You know what hit me really hard?
The fact that people think I was stupid for letting you go.
And sometimes, the way others treat our story makes me think that way, too.
But then, I have to remind myself of how many crazy things I did for you. And how many crazy things did you do out there behind my back?
You never said you loved me. Neither did I.
But I was there for you when you needed me. And this was literally like this. When. You. Fucking. Needed. Me!
But you were so full of yourself, you barely needed me.
They say people can’t fall in love in a short period of time. But I know that when people care, people act!
And yes. You may have shown some type of acts with gifts, but I never cared about them.
I only cared about you.
I went out of my fucking way to stay with you.
I did things out of my rules just to feel the smell of your body on mine. And yes, this was insane. I was fucking insane about you. Because I cared. Because I needed you more than once in a while.
Maybe I wasn’t what you really wanted. But you never said that out loud. And you just wanted me to be connected with you in one way or another so you could never be alone.
Because you knew, I’d fall again and again and again for your pretty lies.
You were pretty much all I wanted in a man. Someone who noticed all the details about me. Even the ones I didn’t want to. But you never opened up to yourself. And then you did crazy stuff out there, busy living life with what you have built so far.
Maybe I was stupid enough to catch feelings.
Maybe I was too naive thinking you cared also.
Maybe I was just trying to buy your pretty heart at a price I couldn’t afford.
But all I did was get high hopes and fall into reality.
And then I was crazy about you. You know this!
But you were busy with pretty bodies and mindless faces out there.
And out of all the caring signs, I found out the “not what you think we’re doing here” signs.
Pictures on the beach. Days of non-texting. Old memories over your being. And it was fair for me.
And yes. I miss you. Sometimes it got me thinking that if I’d have stayed a little bit more, you would have cared more.
But from all the past mistakes I have made, and you can definitely say I have made no good decisions with the men I’ve dated, I know only one thing for sure: People do not change their habits unless they really care.
One day, you told me that since I met you, I had become a little more romantic than usual.
I denied. I was just trying to keep it low. Because I was scared.
I am never sure about things I do. But I was so fucking sure of you.
I was so fucking sure of you!
But now, it has been over one month, 36 days to be precise, from the day I left, and you haven’t moved a finger toward me.

I was insanely crazy about you!
But I’m not stupid.
Out of all the good things we could have been, we both chose not to be together.
And maybe, this way it was better!

©️fd