In another life, I am your girl.
You come close to me and wrap your hands around my waist, and everything else shrinks and loses its importance. You touch my back, and your touch deepens through my shirt, beneath my skin, burning me to the bone. I put my hands around your neck and rise onto my toes to reach your lips. Just before I do, you pull me closer, hold me tighter, and I feel your body pressed against mine.
You feel my heart beating faster; I hear your breathing quicken. I wait no longer, and I kiss you. I kiss you slowly, fully, wholeheartedly, and the whole world falls away. I kiss you, and every terrible thing that has ever happened to me disappears. I kiss you, and all my prayers are answered. I kiss you, and every part of myself I am not proud of seems a little less ugly. You kiss me, and for the first time in my life, I am not a loner.
For the first time, it all makes sense.
In another life, you are my man…
We sit at opposite ends of our living-room couch. I read my book, you read yours, and our legs cross between us. Silence has never felt more comfortable. I stop reading and climb onto your lap. I kiss your cheeks, your nose, your eyes, and you cannot stop laughing. Then I rest my head between your collar and jaw, and breathe you in. You take my hand in yours, and the spaces between my fingers fill with yours, just as the space in my heart was filled by you. I tell you my fears, and you make them feel irrelevant! You tell me your secrets, and I protect them better than my own! You know all of me. I know all of you. You do not run, and I have never wanted to stay anywhere more than right here, with you.
You are mine. I am yours. And it all makes sense.
In another life, we are not sinners.
We make love in broad daylight, with no one to hide from. Your body warms mine as we lie skin on skin, and there is no difference between where my body begins and yours ends. We are tangled together, and nothing has ever felt more right. You come on top of me, look into my eyes, and slowly we become one. You take my breath away and fill me with life. You make love to me; the world stops spinning, and we have eternity. I kiss every inch of you, and you heal every wound in me. I hold your soul, and you know, now you know – that you will never be alone again.
I am here.
In another life, we belong together.
We drive across the country in our sport car. I put my feet up on the seat while the wind rushes through the open window and tangles itself in our favorite songs. We sing too loudly, and the car fills with our laughter. At every red light, we kiss as if we want to steal one more minute from this crazy life. We drive down the boulevard, stealing glances at each other, and our eyes say everything we no longer need to ask: We are okay. There is no other life we must return to when the road ends. And we have all the time in the world.
In another life, we did it right. In another life, we made it.
But in this life, we do not belong together.
In this life, we are sinners. You cannot be my man, and I cannot be your girl. In this life, we can only pretend that we make sense together – but that is just one more scar to add to an already fragile heart. Because in this life, all we can have are broken pieces. In this life, you live your reality far away from me, and I keep my fears to myself. In this life, you’re far too broken, and I am too wasted. In this life, I am still a loner, and you are too expensive for my heart. In this life, I do not have you, and yet I am terrified of losing you.
Because the truth is that although we are wrong in this life, my heart is not.
My own little, stupid, broken heart would let itself be shattered into a million more pieces if it meant that we could hold on to this tiny piece of happiness for just a little longer.
Because in this life, in another one where we would still be wrong, or somewhere among a million galaxies where we might finally be right – I would still choose you.
What you need to know, what I want you to know, is that I would always choose you.
©F.D
